Merlin's Epiphany
by Owl Watcher
Summary: Merlin is doing chores when he realizes something about Lancelot.  No slash.  Ever.


I have this on my mind all the time, so I thought I'd write a fic about it. I know it's not very good, but I just had to get all of these frustrations out!

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or or Court Jester

Merlin's Epiphany

It came to him suddenly, completely unexpectedly and out of the blue. Merlin was sitting in Arthur's room, poking another hole in the king's belt and thinking about how the king was going to fit into his wedding robes, when suddenly, he realized: He should really hate Lancelot. It was such an unexpected realization that Merlin had a hard time thinking about just why he should hate Lancelot. Then all of the reasons slowly began to make a list in his mind.

For one thing, Lancelot's hairstyle when they first met was utterly atrocious! How had he ever expected to pass as a noble with a Peasant's Quest haircut? Complete stupidity! And Merlin could never be friends with someone stupid, only those who pretended to be stupid to protect a serious secret that could get them killed. Not to mention Lancelot had started hitting on Gwen the moment they met. Sure, it was OK back then because Gwen hadn't yet promised her hand and her heart and her heartkerchief to Arthur, but Lancelot was supposed to be the essence of chivalry, and the essence of chivalry doesn't start flirting with every pretty girl he lays eyes on. That was Gwaine's job. Besides, _Merlin_ had been into Gwen back then, and it had hurt quite a bit when Lancelot started showing so much interest in her. They were supposed to be friends, and Merlin got there first, so he had first dibs!

But anyways, another thing was that Lancelot had absolutely no sense of gratitude. Merlin saved him from the griffin so that a) Lancelot wouldn't die, and b) he could go and be a knight of Camelot once more. But then Lancelot was so very ungrateful and snubbed the offer to once again be a knight! Who cares about his need to "prove to himself" that he was worthy of the title "knight"? What about his sense of sacrifice for Merlin's efforts to help him out? Merlin risked being revealed to save his sorry behind, and this was how he thanked him? How opposite of chivalry! Not to mention, he made sure to find himself a pitiful job fighting disgusting men covered in filth after this. How the heck is that proving to himself that he is worthy of being a knight? It made no sense to Merlin, and it made him feel angry that Lancelot had squandered Merlin's bravery for such a crappy lifestyle. Then he had to go and break Gwen's heart. Gwen! Merlin's best friend, the love of Arthur's life! He had no right to try and take her back anyways! He gave that up when he threw away his chance to be a knight.

Then he had the nerve to give her puppy eyes when he returned to help them take over Camelot! He thought, _Well, I left her once so that she could be with Arthur, but let's have some fun and try to win her over again so that I can leave her again and make more drama!_ Too bad he didn't foresee Arthur still being in love with her. The audacity of that knight! What if he had succeeded? That would have caused quite a mess. Then Arthur marked his territory with that kiss, and Lancelot went to sulk in a corner. Merlin felt stupid for having pitied him.

But of course, Lancelot didn't back off then! The jerk kept hoping and creepily staring at Gwen with an attempt at dreamy looks, and when Gwen made it clear that she no longer had any romantic interest in him, the idiot went and killed himself. How melodramatic! Was it really necessary? No, but Merlin now appreciated this. He wished the idiot had stayed dead.

But no. He was so desperate he came back from the underworld. Sure, maybe he was a shade being controlled by Morgana and he didn't have much choice in what he was doing, but he could've fought it! Ew, Gwen was being hit on by a rotting dead man! Who couldn't even think up a very believable story as to why it took him forever to get back to Camelot. Then he had to take back Gwen, get her banished, and then kill himself again. How is that honorable? No sense in that whatsoever. What a man whore! Using a woman like that. Merlin didn't care if he was being controlled, it was no excuse to ruin the life of a highly powerful warlock's best friend!

And that's when Merlin decided that if he ever had to choose between saving the life of Arthur or Lancelot, he would choose Arthur without a second thought. Because who wanted to have a backstabbing, traitorous, ungrateful prat as a friend? Not Merlin. He'd take bros before hoes any day.

_Review if you hate Lancelot!_

_OW_


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